And secondly, HE’S FREAKING CHINESE. Not that it’s inconceivable for him to know karate, I suppose — although it’s not a big style there –  but it warps the plot somewhat. Or they’ll change it to kung fu, and then… rename the film?

It BETTER still contain the line “STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY. SIR!”

Anyhoo, never ones to pass up opportunities to rile up the “someone think of the children”-brigade, they love nothing better than an ignorant anti-MMA rant, where a “journalist” even-handedly reports on the “brutal sport” of “human cock fighting”.

Their latest is probably the most impressive I’ve seen — both in the level of hysteria reached, the truth distortion and the absolute lack of research.

CAGE fighting – a brutal martial art in which opponents are fenced into a ring so they cannot escape – has been legalised in NSW, outraging doctors who say it should be banned.

But the best bit is when they beg to be let out of the cage and they’re forced to fight on!

The original version of this article also had YouTube footage of bare-fist Brazilian Vale Tudo matches as an “example” of MMA, but seem to have taken it down (as well as the multiple comments pointing out the error).

I was really happy, however, to see a bunch well-written, well-argued comments from MMA fans in the comments section (which is usually pretty rare on the News.com.au site). Sometimes I worry that lugheads writing shit like “SHUT UP, MMA RULZ” will just make things worse, so it’s refreshing to see multiple coherent posts that systematically address and refute the crap in the original article.

Yes, worse than flashing nunchucks (which are a little bit rad, anyway). Courtesy of The BJJ Lifestyle store, the Jiu Jitsu Belt lets the world know that you do BJJ like everyone else.

Crafted from a real Jiu Jitsu belt, this fashionable belt is the perfect accessory for when you are off the mat. At events, at the club, at the beach, let everyone know you’re a serious Jiu Jitsu player.

Well you’d want to be a serious Jiu Jitsu player to wear this in public, because you’re pretty much asking for a beating.

I actually feel embarrassed for everyone involved. My cheeks burn for them.

Anyway, perhaps the more pressing issue: what exactly is the BJJ ‘lifestyle’ (apart from spending most of your time with your head in other people’s groins and armpits and regular bouts of ringworm, that is)? It reminds me of the baffling section in the supermarket called ‘Lifestyle Drinks’ that sells Red Bull and Gatorade (to what ‘lifestyle’ do these drinks belong? Why aren’t juice and Coke ‘lifestyle drinks’? Woolworths, you confuse my life so).

Well, whatever it is, the BJJ Lifestyle store actually also sells these awesome tuxedo rash guards, which almost makes up for the belt. Almost.

[via Bullshido]

Fightergirls gear

Possibly the only female MMA/fight brand that isn’t skankalicious or covered in sillouhettes of naked women or a design that looks like a bad prison tattoo. MMA brands and their ugliness and lack of originality are a pretty constant source of annoyance for me, but it’s ten-fold for the female stuff (seriously, who actually wears this shit?). This is something you could actually wear ringside/in the gym:

Primal Fight Gear

On the male side of things, I equally like British brand Primal for doing something a bit different. If you hate bogan wear like Tapout, this could be up your alley.

Kettlebells

Nothing is trendier in strength training right now than these babies and just about every gym (or home gym) should have some. I would actually buy these for every unfit person I know, but people are shit and don’t want to exercise properly. Fighters do though. They will love you forever.

And for good measure, here’s Maynard James from the band Tool busting out some BJJ on stage on a stage diver, which is good because stage divers should be stabbed in the face:

Fat Aikidoka, alleged reincarnated Buddhist monk and all around douche, Steven Seagal, has been signed to do a TV show about his life. Ugh.

“Steven Seagal: Lawman will follow Seagal and a team of deputies as they respond to crimes in progress and also focus on Seagal’s off-duty ventures, including musical performances and philanthropic efforts in Jefferson Parish and New Orleans.”

Cops in magic pants? Dog the Bounty Hunter with wrist-locks?

Actually I suspect this will be kind of awesome — as is almost any reality show featuring self-loving twunts with zero self-awareness (see: Rock of Love and Hey Paula) — because it’s such a shameless attempt to try and cash in on the whole Chuck Norris thing. Of course, Chuck is a bit of a douche too, but he’s a douche who’s in on the joke (just don’t joke about baby Jeebus). And he’s a BJJ black-belt under Carlos Machado.

Seagal’s filmography brings back some good memories: “Playing a Chicago cop”, “Playing a cop out for vengeance”, “Playing an NYPD cop”, “Playing a detective”, “Playing a hard-hitting EPA agent”, “Playing a tough urban detective”, “Playing a CIA operative”, “Playing an ex-cop”. Sounds like Lawman will be a big artistic stretch for him, anyway.

Also: Did you know Seagal has his own energy drink? He really does: Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt. It contains Seagal’s patented chi energy, which he has “spent many years researching”. Heh, where? At the Ponds Institute? Anyway, I would actually buy this if it was available here, but it looks like an American thing (although you can buy it online for US$29.99, which is only about a billion Australian dollars).